April 16,2007
I am feeling weird this morning for some strange reasons. We had the parents’ orientation this morning for our practicum this summer and my parents weren’t there. I can’t blame them though. They have so much to do in the province. My mother is a housewife who attends to the needs of my three little siblings at the same time she manages our small business. My father, on the other hand, is a public high school teacher. He sometimes supervises our small farm located three or four kilometers away from our house which is situated in the town proper. Maybe I am just missing them, sigh.
The orientation was well-attended. I arrived on time and sat at the back. A parent sat beside me. You could just imagine what I felt that time. The parent is somewhat the same with my father. If only he was there, both of them would probably be competing in the question and answer portion of the orientation. Nonetheless, I admire the parent for being inquisitive, at least from my point of view. His attitude implies something to me; that he was super concerned about his daughter.
One week more and we’re going to our designated areas. I am assigned somewhere in Rizal. And here are some of the things I am expecting to happen after our practicum:
-we would be toasted
It is super hot in the province since it is summer time. My currently sun-kissed skin would be blacker. Anyway I don’t care. I used to be a little bit white but because I often attend mobilizations, my skin became black. Now I could conceal my bruises caused by my lack of red blood cells.
-a change in attitude
We are all part of the petty-bourgeois segment in our society using the class analysis. Hence, we still have bourgeois tendencies basically because of our (bourgeois) orientation. But after our practicum, I believe that after seeing the harsh realities happening in our society and after experiencing firsthand the dire situation of the marginalized sectors in the sub-urban, most of us would change-in our lifestyle, attitude and political outlook.
-improvement or exacerbation of my scoliosis
I may be more of a liability in the group for having many diseases. And scoliosis is one of the many physiological problems that I have. My bed is designed for people who have scoliosis and I find it difficult to sleep in other kinds of bed. Plain and flat bed is good for my back however; my back aches whenever I turn sideways. Only two things might happen to my dear back: either it will worsen or improve. Flat surface could correct my scoliosis. Moreover, my body and back could not stand heavy loads and long hours of walking. Whoa, I am such a liability.
-heightened agitation
Seeing the conditions of the marginalized sector is already agitating but experiencing them causes much more agitation. The two things differ; the first is only superficial while the latter is experiential hence it has greater impact to the person.
-a more developed self
For our one month stay in the province, I think we might change physically and psychologically. The conditions we would be in contribute to the over-all development of ourselves. For a month we will be exposed to a scenario/world which we usually do not see for we were raised in a world of comforts-a place where we could freely and easily eat our favorite burger, order our favorite mocha frappucino drink, then watch our favorite show when we get home.
-increased political consciousness/maturity
Learning is and should be a two-way process. Surely, we will learn new things that we don’t usually read in books and newspapers. And I expect that most of us if not all would have a deeper political consciousness.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Intellectual Stimulation
I have an awful habit of writing things before I think first. My struggle for a bout of depression has finally ended. You see, sometimes I tell people things that I do not really mean. It’s as good as saying that I dislike someone when in fact I don’t. And worst of all, I tell people I love being a loner when I always crave for company. Anyway, I resolutely believe that I am destined to be alone. No matter what, I won’t get married for marriage is a deteriorating process. (Got this idea from Jerusha Abbot)
I am still it. I do.
But I have chosen to travel another path, still of the same line.
I can do so much.
I have so many things in mind that I do not where and how to start. I’m not even sure if I still make sense. Something’s wrong with me, really. I do not think anymore for the past few days, instead I always wallow. Maybe I am bipolar, you know people who have extreme mood swings. Or maybe the doctor is right; I do have severe inferiority complex coupled by anxiety disorder. My mind is filled with clouds of depression. However, I finally got my senses back. Help myself, jerk! No one can do except myself so I came up with lots of resolution in mind and hopefully (my fingers are crossed as I type this part) I will be able to do them, one by one and constantly. Reaffirmation of my principles came next.
The following are some of my resolutions:
-Less talk, more time to listen.
Not that less talk means less mistake. A person is more effective is he/she talks about what he/she knows. As for me, I recognize the fact that I know little and that I have to educate myself by reading, interacting with people, contemplating on certain philosophies and trying to formulate stuffs that could change this world. That is why, I guess for now, I need to speak less and listen more.
-Interact with people
Get out of your rut, says I. More social intercourse means more exposure, more time to learn and more self-development. We cannot develop on our own; we need external touch and influence. Though, you should also devote a time for yourself and mull over on things on your own.
-Orgy reading, orgy thinking.
Reading is part of educating yourself. And it requires focus. More than that, reading should couple with thinking or time to reflect on what you read. It is not enough that we know and we learn from them, we should also think. We are all thinkers here.
-More intellectual stimulation, less emotional stimulation.
When will I ever learn? My too much emotional stimulation is a factor that further aggravated my condition. Since I am not allowed to experience too much emotion, be it happiness or sadness, I should do as advised. Now, put that in mind. (uhm, when I remember)
-Lip talk; a no-no
I detest people who talk and act otherwise. But these past few days, I have become one of them and I hate myself for being like them. Now I have to change that attitude, it’s not yet late.
I am not infinitesimal. I can do more things. Now I’m back to my senses and I have to get my brain cells working.
I am still it. I do.
But I have chosen to travel another path, still of the same line.
I can do so much.
I have so many things in mind that I do not where and how to start. I’m not even sure if I still make sense. Something’s wrong with me, really. I do not think anymore for the past few days, instead I always wallow. Maybe I am bipolar, you know people who have extreme mood swings. Or maybe the doctor is right; I do have severe inferiority complex coupled by anxiety disorder. My mind is filled with clouds of depression. However, I finally got my senses back. Help myself, jerk! No one can do except myself so I came up with lots of resolution in mind and hopefully (my fingers are crossed as I type this part) I will be able to do them, one by one and constantly. Reaffirmation of my principles came next.
The following are some of my resolutions:
-Less talk, more time to listen.
Not that less talk means less mistake. A person is more effective is he/she talks about what he/she knows. As for me, I recognize the fact that I know little and that I have to educate myself by reading, interacting with people, contemplating on certain philosophies and trying to formulate stuffs that could change this world. That is why, I guess for now, I need to speak less and listen more.
-Interact with people
Get out of your rut, says I. More social intercourse means more exposure, more time to learn and more self-development. We cannot develop on our own; we need external touch and influence. Though, you should also devote a time for yourself and mull over on things on your own.
-Orgy reading, orgy thinking.
Reading is part of educating yourself. And it requires focus. More than that, reading should couple with thinking or time to reflect on what you read. It is not enough that we know and we learn from them, we should also think. We are all thinkers here.
-More intellectual stimulation, less emotional stimulation.
When will I ever learn? My too much emotional stimulation is a factor that further aggravated my condition. Since I am not allowed to experience too much emotion, be it happiness or sadness, I should do as advised. Now, put that in mind. (uhm, when I remember)
-Lip talk; a no-no
I detest people who talk and act otherwise. But these past few days, I have become one of them and I hate myself for being like them. Now I have to change that attitude, it’s not yet late.
I am not infinitesimal. I can do more things. Now I’m back to my senses and I have to get my brain cells working.
Apolitical Intellectuals
Apolitical Intellectuals
One day
the apolitical
intellectuals
of my country
will be interrogated
by the simplest
of our people.
They will be asked
what they did
when their nation died out
slowly,
like a sweet fire
small and alone.
No one will ask them
about their dress,
their long siestas
after lunch,
no one will want to know
about their sterile combats
with "the idea
of the nothing"
no one will care about
their higher financial learning.
They won't be questioned
on Greek mythology,
or regarding their self-disgust
when someone within them
begins to die
the coward's death.
They'll be asked nothing
about their absurd
justifications,
born in the shadow
of the total lie.
On that day
the simple men will come.
Those who had no place
in the books and poems
of the apolitical intellectuals,
but daily delivered
their bread and milk,
their tortillas and eggs,
those who drove their cars,
who cared for their dogs and gardens
and worked for them,
and they'll ask:
"What did you do when the poor
suffered, when tenderness
and life
burned out of them?"
Apolitical intellectuals
of my sweet country,
you will not be able to answer.
A vulture of silence
will eat your gut.
Your own misery
will pick at your soul.
And you will be mute in your shame.
--Otto Rene Castillo
One day
the apolitical
intellectuals
of my country
will be interrogated
by the simplest
of our people.
They will be asked
what they did
when their nation died out
slowly,
like a sweet fire
small and alone.
No one will ask them
about their dress,
their long siestas
after lunch,
no one will want to know
about their sterile combats
with "the idea
of the nothing"
no one will care about
their higher financial learning.
They won't be questioned
on Greek mythology,
or regarding their self-disgust
when someone within them
begins to die
the coward's death.
They'll be asked nothing
about their absurd
justifications,
born in the shadow
of the total lie.
On that day
the simple men will come.
Those who had no place
in the books and poems
of the apolitical intellectuals,
but daily delivered
their bread and milk,
their tortillas and eggs,
those who drove their cars,
who cared for their dogs and gardens
and worked for them,
and they'll ask:
"What did you do when the poor
suffered, when tenderness
and life
burned out of them?"
Apolitical intellectuals
of my sweet country,
you will not be able to answer.
A vulture of silence
will eat your gut.
Your own misery
will pick at your soul.
And you will be mute in your shame.
--Otto Rene Castillo
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)