Intellectual Stimulation

I have an awful habit of writing things before I think first. My struggle for a bout of depression has finally ended. You see, sometimes I tell people things that I do not really mean. It’s as good as saying that I dislike someone when in fact I don’t. And worst of all, I tell people I love being a loner when I always crave for company. Anyway, I resolutely believe that I am destined to be alone. No matter what, I won’t get married for marriage is a deteriorating process. (Got this idea from Jerusha Abbot)

I am still it. I do.
But I have chosen to travel another path, still of the same line.
I can do so much.

I have so many things in mind that I do not where and how to start. I’m not even sure if I still make sense. Something’s wrong with me, really. I do not think anymore for the past few days, instead I always wallow. Maybe I am bipolar, you know people who have extreme mood swings. Or maybe the doctor is right; I do have severe inferiority complex coupled by anxiety disorder. My mind is filled with clouds of depression. However, I finally got my senses back. Help myself, jerk! No one can do except myself so I came up with lots of resolution in mind and hopefully (my fingers are crossed as I type this part) I will be able to do them, one by one and constantly. Reaffirmation of my principles came next.

The following are some of my resolutions:

-Less talk, more time to listen.
Not that less talk means less mistake. A person is more effective is he/she talks about what he/she knows. As for me, I recognize the fact that I know little and that I have to educate myself by reading, interacting with people, contemplating on certain philosophies and trying to formulate stuffs that could change this world. That is why, I guess for now, I need to speak less and listen more.

-Interact with people
Get out of your rut, says I. More social intercourse means more exposure, more time to learn and more self-development. We cannot develop on our own; we need external touch and influence. Though, you should also devote a time for yourself and mull over on things on your own.

-Orgy reading, orgy thinking.
Reading is part of educating yourself. And it requires focus. More than that, reading should couple with thinking or time to reflect on what you read. It is not enough that we know and we learn from them, we should also think. We are all thinkers here.

-More intellectual stimulation, less emotional stimulation.
When will I ever learn? My too much emotional stimulation is a factor that further aggravated my condition. Since I am not allowed to experience too much emotion, be it happiness or sadness, I should do as advised. Now, put that in mind. (uhm, when I remember)

-Lip talk; a no-no
I detest people who talk and act otherwise. But these past few days, I have become one of them and I hate myself for being like them. Now I have to change that attitude, it’s not yet late.


I am not infinitesimal. I can do more things. Now I’m back to my senses and I have to get my brain cells working.